Sometimes, a dream is born out of necessity or even destiny. And sometimes it is born out of hurt. That is what happened to me and this dream. A little wonder of my own has eluded us for the last 6 years. The struggle has definitely taken it's toll, emotionally and physically. Needless to say, I have seen so many gynocologists that my goodies felt like a very popular book at the library. Everyone has checked it out. After riding the trauma train for so long with testing, medicine and who knows what else, it wasn't surprising that I was on the edge. I mean how can I not be after having to give up ice cream for so very long? Now that brings me to this point in my life. After a very insensitive and in my opinion, cruel comment, my soul was crushed. I have reached my limit and by refering to me as "not a REAL mom" made the implications very clear. I was deemed incapable and inadequete to care for another human. Maybe even considered selfish.
I went home and looked at all the planning I have done. I mean, I have been planning for months and by this stage, years. I planned everything to the very last detail, like the birth plan, clinic, dokter and even names for the little wonders that I was sure would come. Avi, that was the name I choose for my future daughter. The daughter I wanted to dress in cute little outfits and teach about right and wrong. The little wonder that I would have spoilt with a beautiful nursery and held so close every night. That is not what has happened thus far so now, I have decided to change my dream a little. I created a little purple balloon dog that embodies everything that I want to impart to little ones, like beauty, gratefulness and kindness. And until we are blessed with a little wonder of our own, I hope you would permit me to share this dream with your little wonders.
I would love for my little purple balloon dog to become the mark of tolerance and kindness for everyone that is going through an invisible struggle. I hope it becomes a symbol for the precious wonder and gift that children are to us all. Most of all I pray that it reminds the fortunate ones to appreciate and treasure life, for every possibility it could be.
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